Tuesday's Anger

Don't ask me about that bitch Tracy. I do it sometimes but I hate her so much and I hate her little repetitive workout music more.

I was driving to work today and the amount of times I almost killed people were uncanny.

Humans...

We used to have the WALK/DON'T WALK signs in NYC. But now, since we have so many non-English speaking/illiterate people living here we have RED HAND (stop walking) or WHITE MAN (Walk) to tell these people what to do. I think they are confused because they all just walk no matter what. Red hand, white man, cars speeding by, they walk. They walk in MOBS, too - so you aren't just going to hit one, you will hit a bunch of them. They own the sidewalks and the streets...just walking, walking, all the time. Not just in the crosswalk either...they spontaneously pop out from between two parked cars and walk. Then they do one of two things - stare at you with a "I dare you" look on their faces or just plain don't look at all. They just cross, hoping I am not paying attention and hit them so they can sue me.

Cabs...

God, I should stretch before I get going on these mother fuckers. HATE is not a strong enough word. YOU CAN'T DRIVE! You obnoxious fucking assholes. YOU MERGE INTO MY FOCUS which forces me to bend over while you fucking cut me off like your yellow cab brothers have done ALL DAY LONG. I keep a cup holder full of spare change (not quarters, you are not even WORTH quarters) to throw at your windshield each and every time you do this to me. Know what else? When I am tailgating you so none of your little fucked up friends cut me off, you like to just STOP in the middle of the street, throw your hazards on and let people out. PULL OVER YOU FUCKING DOUCHE BAG.

Gypsy cabs...

The yellow cabs distant cousin. You are a last resort. No one likes you. The only time people get in your cars is when it's a shit storm outside and there isn't a yellow cab in sight. Why? Because you look like rapists who are waiting for unsuspecting women to get into your cars so you can drive away and sell them into human trafficking. Also, you can't drive worth a shit either. I sometimes wonder if you cover your eyes while driving just for fun.

People on bikes...

...look, I get that you are doing the right thing here. You are trying to exercise, save money on gas, be a liberal, whatever it is...that's great for you. But do yourself a favor and stay the fuck away from me when I'm driving. No, you know what? Always. Just always stay the fuck away from me always. I hate you. I hate your bike. I hate your stupid helmet. I hate the little water bottle holder that flaunts your ability to wake up in the morning and not only workout but drink WATER instead of coffee. I hate how you sneak up behind me and then when I try to make a right turn you're all yelling at me because I nearly run you over. I hate how you can ride in the street but red lights don't apply to you. I hate how I have to slow down to 2 miles an hour when I'm behind you on a narrow street because I can't pass. I hate your little horn, too. Know what? I even hate you when I'm a pedestrian. I hate you always. Fuck off.