Yes, it's been a while. But now that I've publicly outed my pregnancy I figured I could start bitching and moaning about it, too. Fair is fair.
So, I'm about 5 months along. I keep getting colds. When you get a cold, you cough. When you're pregnant - coughing makes you pee yourself.
My new goal in life is not to pee myself. Pathetic...pathetic squared...pathetic infinity.
I will stop, mid-stride, to cross my legs and cough/sneeze. Then I just have to hope for the best.
Another pee thing - at the doctor I have to pee in a cup. I'm generally doing this once a month. I have completely underestimated the precision and accuracy of a penis...and for the first time in my life I find myself jealous of the snake that bit me.
Va-hoot-hoots have no accuracy. It's like one of those carnival games that's impossible to win. I try new things each time I go. I have tried to put the whole cup over the "area," creating some sort of vacuum seal...I don't know...the pee finds it's way onto my hand every time. Tips appreciated...
The boy.
Yes, it's a boy. With a penis. And balls.
Balls?
What do you even DO with those?
And then there's the circumcision...
Basically, I am to allow a doctor to cut a piece of my boy off, like, days after his birth.
"Here, doctor, see this flappy thing? Remove it promptly! I'm taking my boy's future sex life into consideration here!"
I mean, that's really what it's all about right? Looking the part? No turtle neck for my boy!
Fucking strange. But, I'm gonna do it anyway...so...moving on...
I'm a cranky pregnant person. I don't "glow." I don't become the epitome of happiness. I become enraged with jealousy when I see thin people. I'm "put-out" by having to eat more, pee more, and having doctors all up in my bid-niz all the damn time.
So, essentially, what I'm saying here...is this isn't the last you'll hear from me on the topic.
