Went to sleep over at a "Science Museum" with the girl, a Brownie trip.
I used the quotes there because this place is just as much a science museum as my apartment is a space station.
Let's start off with the fact that this place is a house...a 100 year old house that had a musty, old, dead smell. Before the bitterness took over, I was able to appreciate some of the history and detail of the house. But, I was quickly led to the room where we'd be sleeping. Hardwood floors friends. Not even a crappy, dust-ridden carpet. Just a hardwood dirty floor. Joy!
Let's just get to the meat of this, shall we?
1. Eleven girl scouts, four adults, one bathroom.
2. Lack of heat.
3. The freakshow of a tour guide that slept over with us. She appeared to have an aversion to soap. And toothpaste. And intelligence.
4. The only other mom there was the one that gives me the stink eye at every girl scout meeting. Let's cuddle!
5. I was assigned three girls. My kid, let's call the other two Grace and Dana.
6. Dana:
6a. "Giwls can get dwessed togethew because we all have da same pwivates!" (As she stripped down naked.)
6b. "My mom packed me a midnight snack! Toast with spway buttew!"
6c. Dana does not require a tissue to blow her nose. Doing so in her glove seemed to be perfectly acceptable.
7. My TexAss friend joked that there would be spiders. Trying to tease me. Not only were there spiders, they had a PET tarantula... WHAT THE FUCK?!
8. They made us hike...two hours at night to see nothing but snow and then an hour the next morning on the beach to see, you guessed it...snow! Surprise! Snow! Wow! How special! Wait...something about this mysterious white substance seems familiar to me...I can't quite put my finger on it... OH WAIT! I know! I HAVE HAD A FUCKING SHIT LOAD OF THIS BITCH COLD BULLSHIT IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD FOR THE PAST TWO MONTHS.
9. They had two rooms of animals. One room of reptiles (home of that dick tarantula) and one room of mammals that was the epicenter of the rancid stench that poisoned the entire house.
10. The kids fell asleep well after midnight and started waking up around 5:30. I got approximately 45 minutes of sleep...spaced out in 5 minute intervals. Some of those intervals may have been hallucinations of sleep. I can't be sure.
End result? I hate myself for agreeing to that trip. I couldn't hate myself more. It felt like Navy Seal boot camp - that I not only enrolled in willingly but PAID for.
My girl, though? She will tell you she had a GREAT time. She will tell you it was fun and she slept great and that she just cannot WAIT to go to camp in June. So... it made it all worthwhile. I have to say that, right?
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