Day 29 of captivity:
I no longer like this job. Here's why-
Yesterday, I get called into a little mini meeting with my manager. She tells me I am GREAT, doing a great job, yadda yadda - I know.
Then she says, "Are you happy here?"
Me: Yes, very happy.
Her: Because, you just don't smile much.
Me: ...
Her: Sometimes, I think I'm smiling but I'm really making a face like this (proceeds not to smile) so I make a better effort, show teeth, and smile!
Me: ...
Her: But everything else is great!
Me: So, I do my job well...but you want me to smile more...
Her: Yes!
You know, this made me cry after I walked out. She proceeded to tell me that it looks like I don't want to be here and went on and on about how I should be more bubbly and smiling. But, the thing is, I AM a smiler, you know? I'm jolly damnit. Rarely am I in a bad mood. This just struck me as fucking weird. She made it sound as though they ALL thought this of me.
Come to find out it's only one woman who thinks this. This woman, who I say goodmorning to every day and she just stares at me like a deer in the headlights, went out of her way to complain about me. I didn't even want to come in today - unless it was in the form of rebellion.
Well, I smiled the FUCK out of that bitch all day today. I don't feel much better about it. I hope she's happy, with her fake smiles and forced kiss-ass.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Golden Goose
In a very Twilight-esque sort of way, my daughter has been born with the opposite "gift" that is my genetic legacy. Instead of a black cloud, she has sunshine every day. If she were a goose she'd lay golden eggs. That's just how she rolls.
For instance:
At Shea Stadium, where the Mets used to play, she got picked out of who knows how many kids to win a Build a Bear gift card and be on the big screen in the stadium, Diamond Vision. I have a picture as proof.
They told me they picked her because she was cute.
Walking in a local park we saw that the carousel had opened, she rides it. There is a woman snapping pictures who asks if we'd mind if she used her picture with her article in the local paper. We said sure. Sure as shit, my kid is on the front page of that paper a week later, big spread with her cheese smile.
We went to Medieval Times, a knight threw her a flower but some other kid jumped up and caught it. The next time he had a flower he threw it to her AGAIN. She caught it the second time, thankfully.
This past weekend, she went to the Gazillion Bubble show on Broadway. She got called up on stage. They put her in a giant bubble. Then they gave her a giant bubble maker toy just for participating.
She always gets stuff. I find this to be awesome. At least I didn't pass on my misfortune to her.
For instance:
At Shea Stadium, where the Mets used to play, she got picked out of who knows how many kids to win a Build a Bear gift card and be on the big screen in the stadium, Diamond Vision. I have a picture as proof.
They told me they picked her because she was cute.
Walking in a local park we saw that the carousel had opened, she rides it. There is a woman snapping pictures who asks if we'd mind if she used her picture with her article in the local paper. We said sure. Sure as shit, my kid is on the front page of that paper a week later, big spread with her cheese smile.
We went to Medieval Times, a knight threw her a flower but some other kid jumped up and caught it. The next time he had a flower he threw it to her AGAIN. She caught it the second time, thankfully.
This past weekend, she went to the Gazillion Bubble show on Broadway. She got called up on stage. They put her in a giant bubble. Then they gave her a giant bubble maker toy just for participating.
She always gets stuff. I find this to be awesome. At least I didn't pass on my misfortune to her.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Camp
My girl has the option to go camping with the girl scouts, but only if I go, too.
You know I have the spider issue. Plus, the weekend is surrounded by "water activities."
So, one time, we were in NJ for the summer and my mom, aunt and uncle have this idea that we should all go canoeing down some river. Cool right?
So we've got boat A - consisting of uncle, and two cousins. Boat B - Aunt and two boy cousins. And Boat C - Crazy, me and my sister.
In the beginning, mom says, "I have done this before. I will be the rear and control the boat." My sister is to be in the middle, doing nothing, and I am the front...just row she says, once on the right, once on the left, repeat. GOT IT!
There is a nest of daddy long leg spiders that decide NOW is the time they will come out from under the seats of the canoe. The horror. I tell my mom, she says KEEP ROWING They're ahead of us! I cry. I use my flip flop to kill them as they attack. But their numbers were infinite...so though I won't mention them again, they are continually attacking us throughout the trip. They are also waterproof.
Mom stears us into the side of the river. We capsize. My sister, in her life jacket, goes floating down the river. My mom is screaming and flailing her arms about, crying about my sister...I stand, turn the canoe back over, and advise my mother that we are in 3 ft of water and she can stand. She gets in the boat and we are on are way to get my sister...who is now yards ahead of us.
We get my sister, we row...we hit the side and capsize again.
Mom says I am fucking up the boat and that's why we capsized. She is now in the front, I am in the back, and stupid sister is safely in the middle. Tasked with nothing.
We start going towards the side again. Mom directs me and I do as told, only the rear of the boat hits the side this time - you know, the part with me in it...I duck to avoid bushes...thorny bushes...they tear up my back and left arm. I tell mom and she says KEEP ROWING. Fine.
We catch up with my Uncle who asks why I am bleeding so badly. Mom is like SHE'S FINE. But she CAN'T ROW WORTH A SHIT.
I am so excited to go through this again....
You know I have the spider issue. Plus, the weekend is surrounded by "water activities."
So, one time, we were in NJ for the summer and my mom, aunt and uncle have this idea that we should all go canoeing down some river. Cool right?
So we've got boat A - consisting of uncle, and two cousins. Boat B - Aunt and two boy cousins. And Boat C - Crazy, me and my sister.
In the beginning, mom says, "I have done this before. I will be the rear and control the boat." My sister is to be in the middle, doing nothing, and I am the front...just row she says, once on the right, once on the left, repeat. GOT IT!
There is a nest of daddy long leg spiders that decide NOW is the time they will come out from under the seats of the canoe. The horror. I tell my mom, she says KEEP ROWING They're ahead of us! I cry. I use my flip flop to kill them as they attack. But their numbers were infinite...so though I won't mention them again, they are continually attacking us throughout the trip. They are also waterproof.
Mom stears us into the side of the river. We capsize. My sister, in her life jacket, goes floating down the river. My mom is screaming and flailing her arms about, crying about my sister...I stand, turn the canoe back over, and advise my mother that we are in 3 ft of water and she can stand. She gets in the boat and we are on are way to get my sister...who is now yards ahead of us.
We get my sister, we row...we hit the side and capsize again.
Mom says I am fucking up the boat and that's why we capsized. She is now in the front, I am in the back, and stupid sister is safely in the middle. Tasked with nothing.
We start going towards the side again. Mom directs me and I do as told, only the rear of the boat hits the side this time - you know, the part with me in it...I duck to avoid bushes...thorny bushes...they tear up my back and left arm. I tell mom and she says KEEP ROWING. Fine.
We catch up with my Uncle who asks why I am bleeding so badly. Mom is like SHE'S FINE. But she CAN'T ROW WORTH A SHIT.
I am so excited to go through this again....
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
When she dates...
Me: The man is on the phone telling me what he'll say to boys the girl dates
Friend: he won't tell them anything because she will sneak them around behind your back. that's what i did. so what will he say
"If you break her heart, listen, she has to get over it. Don't stay with her out of fear. But if you hurt her in any other way I will shoot you."
"I will happily go to jail. I won't fight it. I'll plea to manslaughter."
Friend: good he is going down happy.
Me: pretty much.
Friend: you can get probation for manslaughter if you don't have a record.
so he can be free and happy!
Me: awesome!
Friend: i wonder what i should say to the whores my boy shames me with
if you get pregnant i will kill you? no. not good to threaten that to a pregnant teen.
Me: HAHAHAHHA
this just became blog material.
Friend: fame!
you might mention how good it is that we have already taken care of these issues. something about our powers of organization.
how we encourage and nurture our children sort of thing.
Me: if you'd like.
Friend: he won't tell them anything because she will sneak them around behind your back. that's what i did. so what will he say
"If you break her heart, listen, she has to get over it. Don't stay with her out of fear. But if you hurt her in any other way I will shoot you."
"I will happily go to jail. I won't fight it. I'll plea to manslaughter."
Friend: good he is going down happy.
Me: pretty much.
Friend: you can get probation for manslaughter if you don't have a record.
so he can be free and happy!
Me: awesome!
Friend: i wonder what i should say to the whores my boy shames me with
if you get pregnant i will kill you? no. not good to threaten that to a pregnant teen.
Me: HAHAHAHHA
this just became blog material.
Friend: fame!
you might mention how good it is that we have already taken care of these issues. something about our powers of organization.
how we encourage and nurture our children sort of thing.
Me: if you'd like.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Outsider
Happy Easter and shit.
Mine was fine.
I have a runny nose. It's been here for weeks now. I assume it's allergies but I'm tired of medicating myself every damn day.
When I was little my crazy mom called boogers, menews. I don't know if that's how you spell it but you pronounce it me-new. If my nose was running I'd call it menew juice. That's hot right? Well, I still mentally call it that...I just don't tell outsiders.
me: my nose won't stop running...it's extremely annoying
friend: stop snorting the cocaine.
me: quitting is for the weak.
At my job, they list you in the directory according to your position. Except I'm a temp for now...rant to follow.
Instead of it saying Temp next to my name it says OUTSIDER. Like, don't share information with her she's an OUTSIDER. It hurts my wittle feelings...
Know what else hurts my feelings? My recruiter taking 200 out of my check every damn week for the next 3 months. WHORE. It does more than hurt my feelings...she might as well drop a fucking turd in my cocoa puffs. HATE.
Mine was fine.
I have a runny nose. It's been here for weeks now. I assume it's allergies but I'm tired of medicating myself every damn day.
When I was little my crazy mom called boogers, menews. I don't know if that's how you spell it but you pronounce it me-new. If my nose was running I'd call it menew juice. That's hot right? Well, I still mentally call it that...I just don't tell outsiders.
me: my nose won't stop running...it's extremely annoying
friend: stop snorting the cocaine.
me: quitting is for the weak.
At my job, they list you in the directory according to your position. Except I'm a temp for now...rant to follow.
Instead of it saying Temp next to my name it says OUTSIDER. Like, don't share information with her she's an OUTSIDER. It hurts my wittle feelings...
Know what else hurts my feelings? My recruiter taking 200 out of my check every damn week for the next 3 months. WHORE. It does more than hurt my feelings...she might as well drop a fucking turd in my cocoa puffs. HATE.
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