What does that even MEAN?
I hate when people say that!
"What are you doing tonight?"
"Went grocery shopping. I'm going to make dinner. Uneventful."
"It is what it is."
SHUT THE FUCK UP
It's like you ran out of shit to say to me so you end the conversation with a sentence that doesnt even make sense! It is what it is! That's that! You get what you get!
I will maul the next human to spout some stupid shit like that to me - DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
Just heard about TWO more engagements this week. Two. Both girls are significantly younger than I am. How can this be when I am clearly (see above) such a prize to be won?
I'm a special kind of miserable today. Entenmens coffee cake for dinner, miserable. STOP JUDGING ME. I make the girl real food...
My boss keeps singing...
"Every morning there's a halo hanging fra la la la ma bed my na....la la la... EVERY MORNING there's a halo hanging fra...friend?...frame?......EVERY MORNING THERE'S a halo hanging hanging hangin hangin la la la la la la la!!!!!"
He will be the next to die.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Blah
Man and I had an argument last night. Sky is blue. One plus one is two. Oh...sorry...I got caught up stating the obvious...
Why does the girl keep asking for a sister? No matter the explanation I try to give her she still thinks I'm going to push out an identical six year old for her to play with. No clue that it will be an infant that will annoy her. By the time the baby can play with her she'll want nothing to do with him/her anyway.
Why does the girl keep asking for a sister? No matter the explanation I try to give her she still thinks I'm going to push out an identical six year old for her to play with. No clue that it will be an infant that will annoy her. By the time the baby can play with her she'll want nothing to do with him/her anyway.
Big presentation today at work today.
5 minutes before the investors get here, the designer notices a lewd comment on the mock up of the site (the website allows commentary from the public)
"YOU COCK SMOKERS"
*sigh*
I am amazed we are still in business.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Boobs
Went to the beach two days in a row.
I have a "magic suit." It's for pudgy people with low hanging, lifeless boobs. It's a halter. The price you pay for cleavage and defying gravity is a nasty mark on the back of your neck at the end of the day. My poor neck had to carry DD piles of mush all day long. I also think somehow I pulled a muscle in my armpit - may or may not be related.
The girl's little 10 year old friend slept over the other night. She is starting to get boobs.
The girl decides she will try to WILL her boobs into existence. This must not work because she begins to squeeze them into place. I suppose the logic being that if she holds them there long enough, they will stay. What do you even SAY when you see this shit?
"Stop trying to squeeze your boobs into existence at the dinner table."
Yeah, that sounds appropriate. I just don't remember reading about that anywhere in the child rearing books.
Topamax makes my toes tingle like they are "asleep" all the time. ALL the time. I will still not trade this side effect for a migraine.
I held a newborn baby on Saturday. I want another baby, mostly. Not like, NOW...alone, single, by myself, again...that wasn't fun. Strange thing is I absolutely know in my memory that for an entire year I swore I would never go through child birth again. That it must be what dying a slow and painful death felt like and I would never again put myself through that. Never ever ever. I know that for at least 365 days I felt very strongly about this. Yet, today, I sit here and think to myself...
"I could totally do that again!"
This is how people wind up having multiple children. The memory fades with time. You always think it doesn't...but it does. Time heals all...even excruciating, vagina ripping pain.
Then, of course, you snap out of it and glance over at the kid YOU ALREADY HAVE to witness the squishing of her ninnies into place while you wonder where you went wrong as a parent and the whole idea of a second baby sounds like some kind of fucking nightmare.
I have a "magic suit." It's for pudgy people with low hanging, lifeless boobs. It's a halter. The price you pay for cleavage and defying gravity is a nasty mark on the back of your neck at the end of the day. My poor neck had to carry DD piles of mush all day long. I also think somehow I pulled a muscle in my armpit - may or may not be related.
The girl's little 10 year old friend slept over the other night. She is starting to get boobs.
The girl decides she will try to WILL her boobs into existence. This must not work because she begins to squeeze them into place. I suppose the logic being that if she holds them there long enough, they will stay. What do you even SAY when you see this shit?
"Stop trying to squeeze your boobs into existence at the dinner table."
Yeah, that sounds appropriate. I just don't remember reading about that anywhere in the child rearing books.
Topamax makes my toes tingle like they are "asleep" all the time. ALL the time. I will still not trade this side effect for a migraine.
I held a newborn baby on Saturday. I want another baby, mostly. Not like, NOW...alone, single, by myself, again...that wasn't fun. Strange thing is I absolutely know in my memory that for an entire year I swore I would never go through child birth again. That it must be what dying a slow and painful death felt like and I would never again put myself through that. Never ever ever. I know that for at least 365 days I felt very strongly about this. Yet, today, I sit here and think to myself...
"I could totally do that again!"
This is how people wind up having multiple children. The memory fades with time. You always think it doesn't...but it does. Time heals all...even excruciating, vagina ripping pain.
Then, of course, you snap out of it and glance over at the kid YOU ALREADY HAVE to witness the squishing of her ninnies into place while you wonder where you went wrong as a parent and the whole idea of a second baby sounds like some kind of fucking nightmare.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Headupassitis
That's the disease I've been diagnosed with.
Normal people, in NYC, will see a clearly marked spot of bird poo on the sidewalk and walk around it. Because this must mean that there is a nest, or perhaps this is a favorite place for the pigeons...whatever it may be. I don't ever see it. I walk right through it.
Same goes for dog poop. Throw up. Man spit. I also trip over garbage, curbs, uneven sidewalks...I hit my head on things that are just high enough that I think I can fit under, but in fact, I cannot. I frequently underestimate my width and slam my arms into doorways and such as well...
Yesterday, I get a haircut from a nice woman.
She does her best not to insult me, or the Asian woman I allowed to cut my hair the last time. However, she does not want me to blame her for the uneven mess she is about to show me. I would say that my hair was off by OVER AN INCH on each side. In other words, the left side was an inch or more LONGER than the right. How does one walk around like this for MONTHS, blow drying the hair, styling, brushing, looking in mirrors day after day and not noticing this severe lack of symmetry?
How do I not fall down more...
The girl is enjoying summer camp. The other day they went to the farm. I've been packing breakfast and lunch because she leaves so early in the morning that she isn't coherant enough to think about eating breakfast when I drop her off. She and the man have this conversation...
Him: How was the farm?
Girl: Fun.
Him: What did you eat?
Girl: For breakfast, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, for lunch, cheese sandwich.
Him: Mom made you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast? Why?
Girl: That's just the way Mommy rolls.
PS Finally got my grades for the Spring term...A, A and an A-
Normal people, in NYC, will see a clearly marked spot of bird poo on the sidewalk and walk around it. Because this must mean that there is a nest, or perhaps this is a favorite place for the pigeons...whatever it may be. I don't ever see it. I walk right through it.
Same goes for dog poop. Throw up. Man spit. I also trip over garbage, curbs, uneven sidewalks...I hit my head on things that are just high enough that I think I can fit under, but in fact, I cannot. I frequently underestimate my width and slam my arms into doorways and such as well...
Yesterday, I get a haircut from a nice woman.
She does her best not to insult me, or the Asian woman I allowed to cut my hair the last time. However, she does not want me to blame her for the uneven mess she is about to show me. I would say that my hair was off by OVER AN INCH on each side. In other words, the left side was an inch or more LONGER than the right. How does one walk around like this for MONTHS, blow drying the hair, styling, brushing, looking in mirrors day after day and not noticing this severe lack of symmetry?
How do I not fall down more...
The girl is enjoying summer camp. The other day they went to the farm. I've been packing breakfast and lunch because she leaves so early in the morning that she isn't coherant enough to think about eating breakfast when I drop her off. She and the man have this conversation...
Him: How was the farm?
Girl: Fun.
Him: What did you eat?
Girl: For breakfast, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, for lunch, cheese sandwich.
Him: Mom made you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast? Why?
Girl: That's just the way Mommy rolls.
PS Finally got my grades for the Spring term...A, A and an A-
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Food...hm? Where?
I am one of those people (Italian) who plans her entire day around food. I think about breakfast the night before. I think about lunch while I'm eating breakfast and I think about what I'm making for dinner pretty much all day long. Once I've decided on dinner my focus turns to snacks and desserts.
The problem, now, is that my child is becoming very much like me. Must modify this condition.
Today, I started with myself. I brought left over dinner for lunch so I wouldn't think about it. I have an orange for a snack. I spent most of the morning thinking about not thinking about food. Do you see my problem? I'm not obese people...I just like food. Let's everyone relax. All 2 people that read this blog...
I actually just got myself a bowl of frosted flakes to SHUT MYSELF UP. I don't even like them. They are substandard. Who does that? Eats something they don't even like just so her brain will stop thinking about food. I'll tell you who. A soon to be fat chick with issues...nice to meet you.
*sigh*
In other news...the man and I have tried to resolve all issues. I let him touch my hiney last night.
No regrets, yet.
It wasn't like our first date or anything...where I cried after the sex.
...if I could go back 4 years and slap myself in the face for that, I most definitely would. Without hesitation.
Then I would say, "That's what you get for letting people borrow your cooch as if all they asked for was to borrow your VHS copy of Pretty Woman! Actually, you're even more selective about THAT! WHORE!"
The problem, now, is that my child is becoming very much like me. Must modify this condition.
Today, I started with myself. I brought left over dinner for lunch so I wouldn't think about it. I have an orange for a snack. I spent most of the morning thinking about not thinking about food. Do you see my problem? I'm not obese people...I just like food. Let's everyone relax. All 2 people that read this blog...
I actually just got myself a bowl of frosted flakes to SHUT MYSELF UP. I don't even like them. They are substandard. Who does that? Eats something they don't even like just so her brain will stop thinking about food. I'll tell you who. A soon to be fat chick with issues...nice to meet you.
*sigh*
In other news...the man and I have tried to resolve all issues. I let him touch my hiney last night.
No regrets, yet.
It wasn't like our first date or anything...where I cried after the sex.
...if I could go back 4 years and slap myself in the face for that, I most definitely would. Without hesitation.
Then I would say, "That's what you get for letting people borrow your cooch as if all they asked for was to borrow your VHS copy of Pretty Woman! Actually, you're even more selective about THAT! WHORE!"
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Once a dork, always...
Me: so here's something for you
Me: on my express bus in the morning
Me: is a boy that i used to have a crush on from like 6-8th grade
Friend: HAHAHAA
Me: mind you in 6th grade i was made fun of daily. i was the most awkward human girl that ever was
Me: he witnessed the worst part of my childlife
Me: and now i have to see him every morning
Friend: lol
Me: i have done a good job of avoiding him, pretending not to know him
Me: until today when he made direct eye contact with me and i had no choice but to smile
Friend: LOL
Me: to which he smiled back...in a pathetic "i know you were a dork" sort of way
Friend: everyone was a dork back then
Me: no
Me: i was THE dork
Friend: aw
Friend: but youre not anymore.
Friend: so f him
Friend: i bet hes a loser now
Me: i transfered to the worst public school in my neighborhood from a nancy private school
Me: and my mom got me a layered haircut to which she teased and sprayed and feathered back
Me: they called me helmet head through 6th grade
Me: i was also severely under developed in the boob department
Friend: :(
Me: YES
Me: that was me.
Me: I am okay with it now...
Me: but not when i have to run into the ghost of 6th grade past
Me: he knows...and despite the 7 years it took me to convert myself into a less dorky human being...it's like the dork is back for the 30 minutes i'm on the bus in the morning
Friend: you should wear a helmet tmw.
Friend: lol kidding. sorry i had to.
Friend: lol
Friend: i bet he is a huge loser now and works a stupid job
Friend: and has no friends
Me: i laughed. but i laughed the way the chubby kid laughs at fat jokes. he pretends not to care but deep down it hurts
Me: LOL
Me: he did nothing to me
Me: he was quiet and i dont remember him making fun of me
Me: though maybe i blocked it out because i thought he was cute
Me: could be.
Me: on my express bus in the morning
Me: is a boy that i used to have a crush on from like 6-8th grade
Friend: HAHAHAA
Me: mind you in 6th grade i was made fun of daily. i was the most awkward human girl that ever was
Me: he witnessed the worst part of my childlife
Me: and now i have to see him every morning
Friend: lol
Me: i have done a good job of avoiding him, pretending not to know him
Me: until today when he made direct eye contact with me and i had no choice but to smile
Friend: LOL
Me: to which he smiled back...in a pathetic "i know you were a dork" sort of way
Friend: everyone was a dork back then
Me: no
Me: i was THE dork
Friend: aw
Friend: but youre not anymore.
Friend: so f him
Friend: i bet hes a loser now
Me: i transfered to the worst public school in my neighborhood from a nancy private school
Me: and my mom got me a layered haircut to which she teased and sprayed and feathered back
Me: they called me helmet head through 6th grade
Me: i was also severely under developed in the boob department
Friend: :(
Me: YES
Me: that was me.
Me: I am okay with it now...
Me: but not when i have to run into the ghost of 6th grade past
Me: he knows...and despite the 7 years it took me to convert myself into a less dorky human being...it's like the dork is back for the 30 minutes i'm on the bus in the morning
Friend: you should wear a helmet tmw.
Friend: lol kidding. sorry i had to.
Friend: lol
Friend: i bet he is a huge loser now and works a stupid job
Friend: and has no friends
Me: i laughed. but i laughed the way the chubby kid laughs at fat jokes. he pretends not to care but deep down it hurts
Me: LOL
Me: he did nothing to me
Me: he was quiet and i dont remember him making fun of me
Me: though maybe i blocked it out because i thought he was cute
Me: could be.
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