Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Edward Cullen = PG13 Porno

I started reading the Twilight series. I've had all 4 books since December and haven't touched them. Yesterday I read the first book and now I'm hooked. I'm embarrassed to say it. I love how romatic it is...oh God...I'll just stop myself there.

The girl's school is closed because of swine. Don't say I didn't warn everyone. It's getting closer and closer to me. Any day now I expect to have it.

I had a nice vacation, did I mention? It was a fun time even with just the girl and I. She didn't irritate me...much.

I have the summer bug. I want potato salad and grilling and pool and beach and I want it now.

The girl got her ears pierced this weekend. She was all sorts of brave. I warned her it would hurt and she wanted it anyway. She cried for 7 seconds and then asked to shop for more earrings. I thought it would be worse.

We have the dentist this weekend. We are both due for cleanings. But, I made the appointment mostly because her adult teeth have begun to come in behind her baby teeth. Friggen weird.

Things between the man and I are okay. I hope they stay okay. I hope we are both able to keep up our ends of the treaty.

One last boring thing you could give a shit about. I'm making london broil, rice, corn and a big salad for dinner. I've been too depressed to do much of anything lately. I am happy that I want to do this. It's a good sign.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

stuff

1. I'm easily manipulated and naive.

2. I have never peed in a pool or the shower.

3. I'm caring and forgive easily.

4. I had a dream once that celery grew on trees. It was scary. I recently learned that pineapples do not grow on trees and that peanuts grow underground.

5. I am always disturbed with the amount of crap that comes flying out of my keyboard when I use the air-blowy-thingy.

6. I like penis, unfortunately.

7. My hands feel clammy all the time so I wash them a million times a day.

8. I have a chin hair, and I pluck it. I think it is hereditary because my mom had one. It appears out of nowhere and when I find it, it's long enough to be scary. He does not always grow.

9. I once spent the evening plucking out my leg hair, for fun.

10. I mentally nickname every single person I meet.

11. I forget everything, all the time.

12. I have a hearing problem because once a child-sized tidal wave hit me at the beach and i was under water for a long time. Once I got out I thought for sure everyone would be panicked looking for me. No one noticed.

13. I can't see well, have low sensitivity to touch (not ticklish, ever)...my senses all suck.

14. My left boob is bigger than my right. I know this because it started growing first.

15. My description of childbirth could be marketed as a birth control more effective than condoms.

16. I make a Chandler Bing face when I take pictures. I feel his pain.

17. I used to think that I heard "Dog Chow" in the beginning of many popular songs. Turns out it was "Dark Child." I even used to sing the dog chow part...

18. I thought that Dunkin Donuts was named after some guy named Dunkin - not that the donuts were for actual dunking.

19. I believe in curses.

20. People always ask me if my Mom ever went to AA. She did, once. Came home drunk, without her underwear. She said she went to pee at the bar and couldn't get them back up so she threw them away. Likely story.

21. I have been punched in the face twice, by immediate family members. Once in the nose and once in the jaw. My teeth wouldn't align for a week and I still have issues with my jaw to this day.

22. I clench my teeth when I sleep, especially if I'm stressed.

23. I think too much if something is bothering me. I will think all night and not sleep at all.

24. I don't like going to bed upset or thinking someone's upset with me.

25. I touch each one of my fingernails one at a time when I have anxiety. I know, you think I'm a freak.

26. I like french fries with cheese and gravy, like, a lot.

27. I love animals and my first career goal was to become a veterinarian. Then I wanted to be a prima ballerina. Then an archaeologist. Then a computer programmer. Then a psychologist.

28. In my lifetime, I have been a florist, a cashier, a dance teacher, a sales rep at a retail store, a supervisor at a retail store, a receptionist an an executive assistant. Clearly, I am goal oriented.

29. I've never done drugs or even smoked a cigarette.

30. I don't like to be alone.