I joined Weight Watchers in December, right after Christmas. I weighed as much as I did in my 2nd trimester of pregnancy and I wasn't pregnant. It's a big downer. I lost about 14 pounds by mid-February, took a month off and gained 2 back. I'm back on trying to defeat my friend in our own version of "The Biggest Loser" and have lost 5 more lbs already. The person to lose the most weight gets to choose an item of their choice from Victoria's Secret which the fatter person has to buy. Our motivation is not really the prize, but rather that neither of us can afford to buy the prize because we're both perpetually broke.
On the home front, my kid has been trying to master the art of negotiation and manipulation for some time now. Last night, she succeeded.
Me: Eat the corn.
Her: But I don't even like corn.
Me: Fine, don't eat it. But then no dessert.
Her: I like dessert. How about I eat all the chicken?
Me: Eat the corn.
Her: Corn makes me throw up.
Me: Lies. Eat the corn.
Her: I love you mom.
Me: Eat the corn.
Her: Can I go to the bathroom?
Me: Yeah.
...1 hour and 20 minutes later...
Her: Can I have dessert?
Me: You didn't eat your corn.
Her: I was coming back for it now but you already emptied my plate in the garbage! That's not my fault!
Me: ...
...after thoughts of digging said corn out of the garbage...
Me: Get a pudding cup and leave me alone.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
It's about that time...
This sounds nuts but every year around this time some awful crap happens to me. It is always out of nowhere. This year, my sister decides to outcast me from her wedding, but include my kid. Like that's gonna happen...we're done now. She and I never get along and I was stupid to think she'd changed. I like to see the best in people and give second chances. Sounds like a good thing but it's really turning into a fault of mine.
Anyway...
The boyfriend, the girl and I are taking a trip to Disney in the beginning of May. We're excited (Okay, I'm excited). Our trip happens to fall on the date we think is our anniversary and also during the week of Mother's day. Just picked up an awesome anniversary gift. The boy is afraid of planes and is actually driving, alone (no, I refuse, I'm friends with JetBlue), down to Orlando. He was attempting to conquer this feat with printed out directions from MapQuest. I foresee him getting lost so I got him a...drum roll please...Navigation System!
PS We used to have one...but...I left it in my car in my crackhead neighborhood and someone broke in and stole it.
Me (9:55:28 AM): Hey...imagine you had a penis and balls...wouldn't that bother you to have that junk hanging between your legs?
Me (9:55:50 AM): I mean, I get irritated when i get so fat that my thighs rub together
Me (9:55:54 AM): that's got to be annoying
Friend (9:56:10 AM): my first reaction is to say yes but i think theyd always be in my hand so i dont think itd bother me much.
Friend (9:56:28 AM): if i had a penis, id be arrested so freakin quick for doing lewd things in public.
Me (9:56:51 AM): i think they're gross
Friend (9:57:00 AM): peni?
Me (9:57:00 AM): i'll use them, in the dark, touch them if i have to
Friend (9:57:12 AM): thats def not the plural form but it looks funny lol
Me (9:57:26 AM): but it's about the most disgusting bunch of things to be coupled together and protruding from a humans body
Me (9:57:36 AM): yes peni
Me (9:57:40 AM): multiple peni
Friend (9:57:49 AM): hahaa
Me (9:59:20 AM): just ew.
Me (9:59:24 AM): I feel bad for men.
Friend (9:59:32 AM): lol
Friend (9:59:33 AM): dont.
Me (9:59:45 AM): imagine you get stuck with a small one?
Me (9:59:50 AM): that's got to mess you up for life
Me (10:00:00 AM): boobs, whatever, get implants
Me (10:00:21 AM): but all of our "downtown" areas are just generic...doesnt matter the size or anything
Me (10:00:46 AM): no guy ever gets a chick naked and says, "oh...that's all?"
Anyway...
The boyfriend, the girl and I are taking a trip to Disney in the beginning of May. We're excited (Okay, I'm excited). Our trip happens to fall on the date we think is our anniversary and also during the week of Mother's day. Just picked up an awesome anniversary gift. The boy is afraid of planes and is actually driving, alone (no, I refuse, I'm friends with JetBlue), down to Orlando. He was attempting to conquer this feat with printed out directions from MapQuest. I foresee him getting lost so I got him a...drum roll please...Navigation System!
PS We used to have one...but...I left it in my car in my crackhead neighborhood and someone broke in and stole it.
Me (9:55:28 AM): Hey...imagine you had a penis and balls...wouldn't that bother you to have that junk hanging between your legs?
Me (9:55:50 AM): I mean, I get irritated when i get so fat that my thighs rub together
Me (9:55:54 AM): that's got to be annoying
Friend (9:56:10 AM): my first reaction is to say yes but i think theyd always be in my hand so i dont think itd bother me much.
Friend (9:56:28 AM): if i had a penis, id be arrested so freakin quick for doing lewd things in public.
Me (9:56:51 AM): i think they're gross
Friend (9:57:00 AM): peni?
Me (9:57:00 AM): i'll use them, in the dark, touch them if i have to
Friend (9:57:12 AM): thats def not the plural form but it looks funny lol
Me (9:57:26 AM): but it's about the most disgusting bunch of things to be coupled together and protruding from a humans body
Me (9:57:36 AM): yes peni
Me (9:57:40 AM): multiple peni
Friend (9:57:49 AM): hahaa
Me (9:59:20 AM): just ew.
Me (9:59:24 AM): I feel bad for men.
Friend (9:59:32 AM): lol
Friend (9:59:33 AM): dont.
Me (9:59:45 AM): imagine you get stuck with a small one?
Me (9:59:50 AM): that's got to mess you up for life
Me (10:00:00 AM): boobs, whatever, get implants
Me (10:00:21 AM): but all of our "downtown" areas are just generic...doesnt matter the size or anything
Me (10:00:46 AM): no guy ever gets a chick naked and says, "oh...that's all?"
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Beautiful
Today, a man nearly fell over himself trying to open a door for me. He dropped things and really almost fell. Just a moment ago another man said to me, "Looking beautiful, as always."
There are several things wrong here:
1. I have no make up on today. You know me, I look better with it.
2. I'm wearing a yucky sweater but it's keeping me warm in my sub-zero office.
3. I'm showing no cleavage.
The math is wrong, I say.
Me (10:39:59 AM): guy here that flirts with me just said "Looking beautiful as always"
Me (10:40:03 AM): i have no make up on
Me (10:40:06 AM): i am confused.
Friend (10:41:37 AM): lol
Me (10:41:52 AM): i am starting to wonder if he is blind
Me (10:41:57 AM): or this is some cruel joke
Friend (10:42:08 AM): LMAO
Me (10:46:28 AM): perhaps my name is in the men's bathroom with something like "She's easy and takes it in the ass" written below it
Friend(10:47:18 AM): i wrote it there.
Me (10:47:49 AM): figures
There are several things wrong here:
1. I have no make up on today. You know me, I look better with it.
2. I'm wearing a yucky sweater but it's keeping me warm in my sub-zero office.
3. I'm showing no cleavage.
The math is wrong, I say.
Me (10:39:59 AM): guy here that flirts with me just said "Looking beautiful as always"
Me (10:40:03 AM): i have no make up on
Me (10:40:06 AM): i am confused.
Friend (10:41:37 AM): lol
Me (10:41:52 AM): i am starting to wonder if he is blind
Me (10:41:57 AM): or this is some cruel joke
Friend (10:42:08 AM): LMAO
Me (10:46:28 AM): perhaps my name is in the men's bathroom with something like "She's easy and takes it in the ass" written below it
Friend(10:47:18 AM): i wrote it there.
Me (10:47:49 AM): figures
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Marriage and Mermaids
My sister's engaged. She's 4 year's younger than me and she's been in a relationship for shorter time. Color me bitter. It's got me thinking about the wedding I'll never have. I'll surely be poor so I imagine it to be in a backyard somewhere, with little tea lights floating in a pool. You know, one of those plastic ones for babies...
Friend (1:52:40 PM): if i learn to swim and get skinny, you can have a mermaid in your pool at your wedding LMFAO
Me (1:52:52 PM): if that is what you want
Me (1:52:56 PM): i'll allow it
Me (1:54:01 PM): we will glue seashells to your boobs
Me (1:54:03 PM): it will be great
Friend (1:54:19 PM): glue?!
Friend (1:54:27 PM): i was thinking body paint.
Friend (1:54:34 PM): and just stick a flipper on me
Me(1:55:00 PM): i can just imagine, by the end of the night the pool is multiple colors and (friend) is ass naked.
Me (1:55:08 PM): what lovely pictures for my wedding album
Friend (1:52:40 PM): if i learn to swim and get skinny, you can have a mermaid in your pool at your wedding LMFAO
Me (1:52:52 PM): if that is what you want
Me (1:52:56 PM): i'll allow it
Me (1:54:01 PM): we will glue seashells to your boobs
Me (1:54:03 PM): it will be great
Friend (1:54:19 PM): glue?!
Friend (1:54:27 PM): i was thinking body paint.
Friend (1:54:34 PM): and just stick a flipper on me
Me(1:55:00 PM): i can just imagine, by the end of the night the pool is multiple colors and (friend) is ass naked.
Me (1:55:08 PM): what lovely pictures for my wedding album
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