Now I've Gone and Done It

We all know I'm a heathen. I've rejected religion for some time now. The whole God thing just never appealed to me.

Well, at a recent birthday party all of the moms were talking about where they were registering their children for Sunday school. I put my head down and tried not to make eye contact but they called on me anyway.

I am quite visibly a guinea and by default, catholic, so they assumed my daughter would already be registered in a nice catholic school because in 2 years they make their communion. Fuck.

"Not registered yet." I say.

They all gasp in horror.

"Tomorrow is the last day! You have to get her in! Get her in with our girls! You want her to make her communion, don't you?! She won't be able to get married in a church!"

Fuck.

They proceed to give me all the details. I felt peer pressure. I gave in.

Fuck squared.

The next morning...on the way to registration...I gave a quick 5 minute pep talk to rectify the 6 years of damage I had done.

The girl: Mom, where are we going?

Me: You are going to learn about Jesus and God.

The girl: But God isn't real.

Me: He is now. You are going to start believing in him and learn about him.

The girl: But you don't.

Me: *Sigh* I'm going to believe in him, too, OKAY?!

On the way home, she made her very first reference to the almighty.

The girl: Oh MAN, I got the SAME toy I already have out of the machine at the supermarket. This is GOD'S fault!

Me: ... *sigh* ...woman...God is only responsible for the good stuff that happens. That one wasn't him.

Hey, at least she's recognizing his existence, baby steps. The Sunday school teacher eyeballed me GOOD and said we MUST attend mass every Sunday. Going this weekend - will report back if I don't burn alive upon entering.