Camp

My girl has the option to go camping with the girl scouts, but only if I go, too.

You know I have the spider issue. Plus, the weekend is surrounded by "water activities."

So, one time, we were in NJ for the summer and my mom, aunt and uncle have this idea that we should all go canoeing down some river. Cool right?

So we've got boat A - consisting of uncle, and two cousins. Boat B - Aunt and two boy cousins. And Boat C - Crazy, me and my sister.

In the beginning, mom says, "I have done this before. I will be the rear and control the boat." My sister is to be in the middle, doing nothing, and I am the front...just row she says, once on the right, once on the left, repeat. GOT IT!

There is a nest of daddy long leg spiders that decide NOW is the time they will come out from under the seats of the canoe. The horror. I tell my mom, she says KEEP ROWING They're ahead of us! I cry. I use my flip flop to kill them as they attack. But their numbers were infinite...so though I won't mention them again, they are continually attacking us throughout the trip. They are also waterproof.

Mom stears us into the side of the river. We capsize. My sister, in her life jacket, goes floating down the river. My mom is screaming and flailing her arms about, crying about my sister...I stand, turn the canoe back over, and advise my mother that we are in 3 ft of water and she can stand. She gets in the boat and we are on are way to get my sister...who is now yards ahead of us.

We get my sister, we row...we hit the side and capsize again.

Mom says I am fucking up the boat and that's why we capsized. She is now in the front, I am in the back, and stupid sister is safely in the middle. Tasked with nothing.

We start going towards the side again. Mom directs me and I do as told, only the rear of the boat hits the side this time - you know, the part with me in it...I duck to avoid bushes...thorny bushes...they tear up my back and left arm. I tell mom and she says KEEP ROWING. Fine.

We catch up with my Uncle who asks why I am bleeding so badly. Mom is like SHE'S FINE. But she CAN'T ROW WORTH A SHIT.

I am so excited to go through this again....