Here's how it went down...

Went to church on Sunday and live to tell the tale, though there's not much of it.

We sat towards the back and I couldn't hear very well what with babies crying and all. I kind of liked being there and envisioned how pretty it would be come Christmas - but - I kind of was bored. I like when the priest talks about stuff...but the readings? I could live without...

The girl enjoyed the songs. She sung along without knowing the words. Don't ask me how. Then she made me get communion even though I was set against it because she wanted to know what it looked like. I showed her, she wanted to touch it, I said no...that's weird right? Can't touch my blessed "Body of Christ" before I eat it...there must be a rule about that somewhere. The priest was already eyeballing me funny because I didn't eat it right away.

She liked Sunday school. They did crafts. There was an argument between her and her friend about trading necklaces or something. She will not be wearing any accessories next week. In trouble on the first day...
Her friend came out upset. She is having a tough time of it at home...but basically said something like, "God is fake!" Of course, I immediately shoot an accusing glance at my little heathen.

"DID YOU TELL HER THAT?"

"NO!" she says...

I believe her. She had fear in her eyes. I must have had my scary face on. She's been praying to God asking for all sorts of things anyway. Getting her to believe was easier than I thought. She's treating him like a Genie in a Bottle though so I'll have to get her to knock that one off... "Dear God, can you tell my mom to buy me a new toy today?" "GOD PLEASE let my mom get me a kitten!"

All in all, good experience. She's happy to go and I'm happy she's happy.

Now I've Gone and Done It

We all know I'm a heathen. I've rejected religion for some time now. The whole God thing just never appealed to me.

Well, at a recent birthday party all of the moms were talking about where they were registering their children for Sunday school. I put my head down and tried not to make eye contact but they called on me anyway.

I am quite visibly a guinea and by default, catholic, so they assumed my daughter would already be registered in a nice catholic school because in 2 years they make their communion. Fuck.

"Not registered yet." I say.

They all gasp in horror.

"Tomorrow is the last day! You have to get her in! Get her in with our girls! You want her to make her communion, don't you?! She won't be able to get married in a church!"

Fuck.

They proceed to give me all the details. I felt peer pressure. I gave in.

Fuck squared.

The next morning...on the way to registration...I gave a quick 5 minute pep talk to rectify the 6 years of damage I had done.

The girl: Mom, where are we going?

Me: You are going to learn about Jesus and God.

The girl: But God isn't real.

Me: He is now. You are going to start believing in him and learn about him.

The girl: But you don't.

Me: *Sigh* I'm going to believe in him, too, OKAY?!

On the way home, she made her very first reference to the almighty.

The girl: Oh MAN, I got the SAME toy I already have out of the machine at the supermarket. This is GOD'S fault!

Me: ... *sigh* ...woman...God is only responsible for the good stuff that happens. That one wasn't him.

Hey, at least she's recognizing his existence, baby steps. The Sunday school teacher eyeballed me GOOD and said we MUST attend mass every Sunday. Going this weekend - will report back if I don't burn alive upon entering.

Change

The cool breeze in NYC this week brings back memories of those first days back to school, and autumn...I love autumn.

The past few years our Septembers have been hot as hell. I wonder if that will change this year.

I'm kind of...I don't know. I'm needing some kind of motivation. I need change. I feel it coming, too, and it scares the shit out of me.

Change always works out in the end so I don't know why I fear it so much but I just do. I fear everything. I fear people from my past trying to be my friend on facebook - I'm like, "WHY? What do you want to KNOW?!" Then I skim my page looking for incriminating things...only to be reminded that I live a pretty boring life nowadays. It revolves completely around the girl and so my page is basically a shrine to her. Spy away old friends.

I've become cautious, too. Cautious of people trying to screw me. A lot of people try to do that. I must have the characteristics of an excellent stepping stone. People frequently use me to feel better about themselves, get what they want, pawn off anger about themselves or others...I am of good use for these things.

I wish I could tell you that after all this time I have learned to let it slide right off. Alas, friends, I absorb it like a fucking sponge. Then I sit and marinate in it.

I take all of those problems, the hate, the sideways anger, and even though I know it's not about me, I wonder about how I could have made it better for these people...end up blaming myself.

Autumn is my happy time. Usually I am breaking out my autumn decor by now, my pumpkin and apple scented candles...creating a calendar full of my favorite autumn activities. But I'm stuck here in sludge created especially for me by people in my life. People I kid myself into thinking give a shit about me, but in truth...they don't.

I form a lot of one way friendships. I care. I give. I help. I'm here. They're not.

I'm old now. I need to learn how the rest of the world does it. How they just let it roll off their backs...

How do you do it people? Someone help a bitch out.

Cheese Sticks

All this time I thought no one read this thing. Turns out a bunch of people do...this should make me happy. Bittersweet.

The girl and I had a playdate this past weekend. She had a friend over and so did I. Her and her friend trashed her room (that's what 6 year olds do) and me and my friend drank wine and ate high calorie foods while watching semi-sappy movies (that's what 20-something year olds do).

My playdate and I topped our evening off with coffee.

We are stupid.

Neither of us slept and we are both waiting to come crashing down.

The girl and her friend polished of 5 plums and a bag of cheese sticks. She said:

"SoandSo made me eat all my cheese sticks!"

oh she did, did she? she forced you?

"Well it felt really good to eat them, but, I didn't want to!"

mm hmm, likely story.

El Facebook

So I log into my facebook today only to find the entire damn thing is in espanol.

Me: my facebook is en espanol
did you do this to me

Friend: lol no!
but i wish i did lol
thats great!
hahahaha

Me:tell me how to change it back

Friend:k gimmie a sec
settings
acct settings
language

Me:*SIGH*
ASS
ITS IN ESPANOL
youll have to tell me 3rd one down
etc
otherwise i wouldnt need you to tell me.


Friend:hahahhaahhahahahaa
settings.. next to your name

Me:THANK YOU

Friend: 1st one down
then 5th tab on the top
the drop down has all the languages

Me:there we go

Friend:lol

Me:DID YOU DO THIS
you are the only one who knows my pw
that was hysterical

Friend:lol no!

Ok, so, I changed my PW. I don't know who it was, but props to you. And props to friend for thinking explaining to me in ENGLISH how to fix my spanish facebook page was the way to go. Well done.

Yes, I'm still bitching

My friend's family uses color coded stickers to claim objects in their parents' house. As in, when the parents die, no need to fight, everything with a red sticker on it is MINE.

I'm getting squat when mine kick the bucket.
1. Because they don't speak to me.
2. Because they don't have anything to give.

My BJ loving friend is sad she is not engaged. Actually, any of my friends that are not engaged or married at this point are suddenly sad that they are not engaged or married. I guess we all assumed it would happen for us and it didn't. I ask you this, my friends, if a good looking woman who loves bjs can't find a man to marry her...where's the hope for the rest of us?

Something else I noticed...some of the people I see getting engaged, or close to engaged, I kind of know in my heart they won't last. Is that my bitterness talking? Can't be sure. But it seems, these people, like myself, want the happily ever after. They find something close so they snatch it up...but...I'm not so sure it's the real thing. Time will tell.

In the mean time, I've placed some inappropriate yet entertaining bets with my other bitter, unmarried friends that will keep us occupied until said wedding days occur.

Oh shut up...you would cry too if it happened to you.

Big O

A lot of birthdays this month. The man. Several friends. I had picked out something that I really thought one friend would like. I knew her birthday was mid-August-ish. I cannot say what it is because she reads this shit... Anyway, after confirmation of exact date of birthday, I went to send the gift and it was SOLD OUT. I found a substitute gift. Hope she likes. We chatted today.


Friend: we like the same shit.

Me: i thought so, however
i have not SEEN this
and though i likey online
in person
you never know
feel free to return for something else.

Friend:the crack pot cutting my hair and i were discussing that yesterday. when you order something online, and get psyched up.
then it shows up.

Me: and its meh.

Friend: it's so crushing.

Me: very
because its fun waiting for self sent gifts
since you know it's what you want
but then when it's not what you want
you're like WTF
it's like when the guy ruins your big O

Friend: bastards.

Me:you say your gonna O and he all changes what he's doing or slows down and ruins it
YES
never get it back.

Friend: they have no idea.
are you mad? what did i do? blah blah.
i get over it quick though. pissy for a bit then 5 minutes later i'm watering plants or whatever.

Me: Yeah, same.
But the initial pissed offedness
i could break his penis in half

Friend: they are so stupid about it.
blame the victim.

Me: so true.