Me + Pets = DEATH

Once upon a time there was a girl who won a goldfish at a fair. Her mother bought her a bowl, gravel, food and all the lovely things a little 25 cent goldfish could want. Mere days after the fish's arrival, he jumped out of the bowl and plummeted to his death.

A year or so later the girl asked her mother for a hamster. The mother obliged believing the whole fish incident was a fluke. The hamster gets dropped by the girl. The hamster has issues. The stupid mother spends hundreds of dollars on vet visits hoping to save the hamster - fail. The mother has spent much money on hamster accessories and agrees to give the whole hamster deal a second chance. A new hamster is purchased and brought home - and the girl is told not to man-handle the hamster under any circumstances.

The following morning Hamster the Second is found hard as a rock...death had consumed him. The mother throws the hamster and cage away, vowing never to allow the girl to have a pet again.

Fast forward to Saturday. The man finds a domesticated finch on the sidewalk, unable to fly.

The man offers to give the finch to the girl, buy it a cage, food, toys, nest...etc. The stupid mother agrees to this. They buy the accessories, come home, mother brings the bird to the cage and the bird dies in the mother's hands.

The man suggests buying a living bird for the girl. The man and the mother are convinced to buy two parakeets. Meet Doug and Carrie...
That blue bird...that's Doug.That plastic bag...that's Carrie. Why? Because I didn't get a chance to take a picture of her before we found her DEAD at the bottom of the cage. FUCK. I wanted BADLY to return the whole cage, the bird that managed to make it through the night and all the toys...but the man and girl wanted me to try once more...meet Big Bird, purchased him yesterday...so far, he lives.


To be continued...