Dumb Guinea

It's been a strange week for me. I'm trying to get myself together without the help of others and it isn't easy.

I did my own laundry at the laundromat. I stood out like a polka dot in the crowd. My neighborhood consists mostly of elderly italians. There is an occasional Korean family and apparently there are some families of hispanic descent. Reason why I've never seen them? They all chill at the laundromat. They stared at me...well, stared up at me. Every single woman there was no more than 4' 9

I also didn't really know how many quarters it takes to run a washer. I didn't know where the detergent went. I didn't know that if you put your bag in front of a washer and go get change that doesn't mean you have any claim to it. When I got back 30 seconds later someone's clothes were in it and that shit was already up to the rinse cycle. I tried to ask for assistance but...no habla espanol.

I also went to the farmer's market and picked up fresh vegetables and fruit. I actually cooked them, too. Then I decided I would make fresh iced tea - like with tea bags. So I throw a giant pot of water on the stove and wait for it to boil. I slice lemons, get the pitcher ready, make sure I have enough ice...I am excited. Finally, the water boils. What do I do? I THROW SALT IN IT LIKE A DUMB GUINEA because apparently boiling water = pasta. I had to toss the whole thing and start over.

Went to some doc appts. I went to the opthalmologist. She says my eye balls are fine. I a little bit failed my field of vision test but I think I just took it wrong with the first eye. She wants me to come back but I ain't.

Next day I go for my yearly pap. Like any good woman, I sat and thought about the preparation. Shave? Don't? Shave some? Just trim? Make a little heart out of it? Who knows what the right thing to do is...

I get there and they make me wait. I refuse to pee because it will mess with my freshness. Finally, they call me in. They hand me the glorified napkin to cover myself with. I get naked and wear said napkin. Then, they make me wait again. Then, the air conditioner comes on. I can no longer feel my feet, I have to pee, and I am uncomfortably sitting naked waiting for someone to barge in.

Finally she came in. She wanted to chit chat the whole time about my kid, my love life, my everything...all while being up in my downtown area and feeling up my boobs. Always a joy.