A swan

I let the girl sleep in my bed sometimes. She gets nose bleeds now and then. She got one last night. I heard her in my sleep and she said "Nose bleed!" so I JUMPED out of bed and ran FULL STEAM...right into my CLOSED bedroom door.
I typically leave it open but when it's hot I close it because we have the AC on. I'm not sure what she would have done had I knocked myself unconscious...I have a bump on my forehead.

I also have Mount Vesuvius and his distant cousin setting up shop on my face. Guess the ol' time of the month is on its way.

I'm a picker by nature, but I won't pick these. They aren't quite ripe yet. My man thinks my picking is unnatural...a disease even. But I know I'm not alone in this. There are others of my kind.

I had to pick up a new Crackberry for work. They are hooking it up now, you know, so I can be reached 24/7. Yay me.

Went to a bowling party for some friend of the girl. Boring as fuck. Those heinous old fart school moms ignored me as per usual. Hate. I managed to make a friend though. We talked about school, homework, how kids are funny and men are stupid. She told me why she won't let her husband help the kids with their school work.

Assignment: Write a sentence for the word, "swan."

Child writes: "A swan will shit in your garden."

Father says: ...nothing. And allows the child to bring this homework into school.

Men just fuck shit up badly enough that we won't ever ask them to do something again. Crafty little fuckers.

Maybe if I fuck up a BJ a few times I won't be asked for them anymore either...